When I learned the brain science that defiance is a freeze state, it made a huge difference in how I responded to my own kid’s oppositional behavior and pushback on anything I would ask of them. I was able to start to actually get through and connect with my teen!
Here's a quick tip for a quick win with your parenting>>>
When your kid says, "No!" Hit the brakes, not the gas!
Imagine you’re driving along a country road and suddenly out of nowhere there’s a deer in the middle of the road staring at you, not moving - The proverbial deer in the headlights.
The deer, frozen in the headlights, tells us to hit the brakes, NOT the gas!
It's exactly what we need to do when our child immediately says, "No!" to anything we ask of them.
Here's the thing. What helps the situation the most is often the hardest because we have our own knee jerk reactions to defiance and disrespect.
Try this experiment to hit the brakes next time your child says, "No!"
Stop talking
Step back
Breathe.
When we do this, it talks directly to our child or teen's brain and makes space for them to back down from their freeze state. This can prevent them (and you) from escalating into fight or flight behaviors and restore peace.
(For more about dealing with defiance, click the image above.)