It’s so hard to know what to do about our kids behavior!
A common concern I hear is, “I don’t want to reward negative behavior by giving in.” I hear you! And it’s true. We don’t want to reward negative behavior.
The thing is - the downward spiral of engagement through reasoning, pleading, bribing, threatening consequences, arguing and yelling is rewarding their negative behavior with a lot of attention!
Here's today's Quick Tip for a Quick Win with parenting...
>>Negative Attention-Seeking Behavior is a Cry for Connection!
Let's imagine that behavior is communicating feelings. When that behavior is emotionally regressed, (i.e your 8 or 15 year old is having a tantrum), then meeting your child where they are emotionally is not the same as rewarding negative behavior. It can be confusing until you grok that feelings and behavior are different. Validating feelings is not saying that a behavior is OK.
As opposed to attention, connection helps them learn to deal with difficult feelings and builds emotional regulation.
Should’s reinforce shame. Behavior requires boundaries, appropriate expectations and relationship.
Negative attention-seeking behavior?
It's connection, not attention your child needs.
(Click the image above for more info about how to connect with emotional age rather than "supposed to's")