Together, you and I, let's start this fall bolstering your child's self-esteem...
Kids learn to feel good about themselves when they feel a sense of accomplishment and competence. Just like us! Our job, as a parent or caregiver, is to set them up for success by setting realistic expectations that make sense for our child.
Sometimes, what seems like "won't" is actually "can't!" when it comes to them meeting our expectations.
So, what is a realistic expectation, anyway?
The following questions can help you take into account what your child needs, so you can best help them succeed and feel good about themselves:
Have they developed the self-regulation skills to meet that expectation?
Are they regulated enough at that moment to succeed?
Is anything else going on at school or at home that may be adding stress or overwhelm to their environment?
Is their chronological age out of sync with their emotional age? (Think of the times you've said, "I know you know how to do this!")
I invite you to think about thoughtfully and lovingly setting appropriate expectations to set them up for success, using the above questions. (This is very different from thinking in terms of lowering your expectations.)
Sometimes that means having expectations that are below what is "age appropriate" because they need expectations that match their emotional age.
Sometimes it means joining them in accomplishing a "task" so it feels less overwhelming to them. That’s co-regulation.
Sometimes it means breaking the task down into smaller, doable pieces. Think "clean your room" vs. first put your dirty clothes in the hamper.
Sometimes it means spending a few minutes of loving connection hanging out with your kid without an agenda, before you want them to do something.
Having a sense of accomplishment feels good to your child. When they can feel competent and good about themselves, it builds their self-esteem!
It also warms our hearts knowing we’re doing a good job!
*****
(To learn more about why "won't" can be "can't", click the image below.)
コメント