Updated: Jan 4, 2020
If you find yourself walking on eggshells around your kiddo, you’re not alone. I hear this often from parents. I also have quite the history of walking on eggshells myself - trying to say the right thing, do the right thing, be the right thing at the right time in an attempt to prevent a bad reaction from the other person or to get a good connection with them.
It’s understandable to want to avoid the fight or the power struggle or the rejection when you say or do the “wrong” thing around your kid. But there are unintended consequences to thinking we can control another person’s behavior by walking on eggshells - consequences that take your relationship with your child in the opposite direction from what you want.
This may feel controversial, but your child doesn’t want to be in charge. They don’t want to feel in control of the house or drive the mood at home. It’s a very insecure and scary position for them.
I invite you to imagine how an anchor tethers a boat, even when it thrashes on the waves or is blown by the wind. Now imagine that instead of jumping in the boat with your child and getting caught in the storm, you are the anchor.
It has to do with what I call your reference point. Walking on eggshells makes your dysregulated, untethered child your reference point for your feelings and behavior. What might be an internal reference point that is in your control, that could ground you and help you be the anchor your child needs for their stormy seas?
For more about how to get off the eggshells, check out MY PHILOSOPHY.