The lights, the noise, the toys, the parties and the excitement are bombarding every one of our senses and our kiddo’s senses this time of year. The stress of it all decreases our bandwidth. Couple that with the lack of routine and structure and you know what that leads to, right? Even more dysregulation - i.e. less listening, more defiance, meltdowns and power struggles. Trying times!

While you’re thinking about everyone else's needs, it may seem impossible to even consider your own self-care, but you know what they say: if Mama or Papa ain’t happy, nobody is. So here’s my first tip.

Power Tip #1: Fill your own tank - aka self-care.

Before you immediately dismiss this as impossible, please keep reading!

Why is it crucial to fill your own tank? Because you are the one with the superpower to set the tone at home and co-regulate your child. But not if your tank is empty!

Self-regulation is the best parenting skill you have when it comes to helping your child with their behavior. It allows you to think more clearly and be more present. Don’t you want your mind at its best when you’re trying to come up with the best parenting solutions in a difficult moment?

Filling your tank with self-care starts with tiny baby steps. And yet even a tiny steps adds space to your bandwidth and helps you be even more the parent you’re wanting to be.

I invite you to start with these 3 questions to plan you self-care step:

1. What is 1 simple thing you require for self-care - something that gets compromised when there’s a loss of routine and structure?

   1. Is it drinking enough water?

   2. Remembering to give yourself a snack in the afternoon?

   3. A 10 minute shower? A

   4. 10-15 minute walk? Listening to music? Think small.

2. What gets in the way of this happening?

3. What support do you need to allow this self-care requirement to happen? (Partner, friend, mother’s helper, a change in routine, etc.)

I’ve found that once you answer them, self-care becomes much more possible.

Power Tip #2: Actively manage your child’s internal and external environment.

Do this in a very practical, concrete way.

1. Stay on top of the basics like hungry, tired, overstimulated, etc. It can be easy to lose track of the simple things with all the added stress and stimulation and end up thinking you’re dealing with a bigger problem than simply that your child needs a cheese stick.

   
   

2. Keep extra activities to a minimum. There are so many fun things to do this time of year. Before you choose an activity, be sure it makes sense for YOUR child. First ask yourself the following:

   
   

   • How does my child do in crowds?

   • Do they need down time between activities?

   • Does the timing of the activity interfere with routine meals or bedtime?

     
     

3. Then make their schedule predictable by using a whiteboard calendar. Put it where everyone can see it easily (like in the kitchen). If your kids are older, use a shared virtual calendar.

Predictability is key to settling anxiety and helping your child be their best.

Power Tip #3: Make a holiday plan.

1. The first step to a holiday plan that works is to do the opposite of what you've been told and start with you! Use tip #1 above to choose something you require and schedule it.

2. Then prioritize 1 - 3 special activities that you feel in your gut are the best match for your child and family this season and plan those. Cut down on extra activities much more than you think, and stick to your routine as best you can.

Some other ideas:

• Make dinner easier by getting takeout

• Instead of going out, play games at home

• Have a dance party or two or many as needed...

• Get a piece of paper or open a phone note and add 1 more thing to your stress less holiday list...

• Add more ideas to your list as they come to you.

• Share your ideas for other parents in the comments below.