I recently witnessed this incredible, human, resilience building interchange between my daughter and my nearly 3 yr old grandson and yes...it involved some yelling.
It was bedtime. You know - the time when you’re desperate for your kids to settle down, get ready and GO TO BED and your kids are determined to ramp it up and make that as difficult as possible.
There was my daughter sitting on the toddler bed trying patiently to get jammies on my trampolining, bouncing off the sides of the bed, marching, laughing grandson who was no longer in control of what his body was doing. I.e. he was a hot mess.
Suddenly I heard my daughter yell, "OWW! THAT HURT!" He had inadvertently kicked her really hard with his very strong leg. She was mad and at the end of her patience. I held my breath.
And then she noticed how scared he looked. As she tuned in to him, I could see her shifting from her own anger to his distress. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but her voice got calmer. She saw his sadness and, as their faces drew close together, I watched her hug him and felt them both settle. I witnessed the process of relationship repair occur as she joined him in his distress.
This is No-Yell™ parenting. No-Yell™ is not about never yelling. It is about gaining the understanding and learning the skills to be able to engage in that resilience building process of relationship disruption and repair again and again and again with your child.
And, of course, getting to a calmer state within yourself and with your child will result in less yelling for sure!
If you'd like to discuss your challenges at home with me, I invite you to take a look at my Stand Alone Session.
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