Child Meltdowns: Why Talking Fails
And What Your Child Needs Instead...
Do you find yourself resorting to reasoning, bribing or consequencing your child when they’re melting down, hoping this time it will work?
Maybe you’ve noticed that for your stress-sensitive kid, not only do consequences and reasoning not work, they often make things worse!
As a result, you find yourself in repeating escalation cycles - blaming yourself for not trying hard enough to be patient or feeling like there’s something wrong with you or your child. Ugh!
Here’s the thing. When your kid is acting out, they’re in a state of dys-regulation and their emotional brain is running the show!
They can’t access their executive function to be reasonable. The part of their brain in charge of logic, language and words - is OFF LINE! It’s like you’re broadcasting to one channel when your child is tuned to a different one. No matter how loud you broadcast, you won’t get through! No one taught you this…
What if there’s nothing wrong with you or your child? Instead of trying harder NOT to react, what if you put your attention instead on strengthening the essential parenting skill of self-regulation.
This tip tells you how to do that.
Today’s QUICK TIP for Child Meltdowns
Change The Channel in Your Brain
Faced with a child meltdown, your first job is to focus on YOU FIRST by practicing the essential parenting skill of self-regulation. I know this goes against every fiber of your being! That’s why it requires practice like all the other skills you’ve learned.
Here’s a simple yet powerful self-regulation practice.
Try it next time you’re navigating a meltdown. (It’s simple, but not easy when the s***t’s hitting the fan!)
STOP TALKING, reasoning, bargaining, pleading...
TAKE 3, SLOW BREATHS in and all the way out.
FEEL YOUR FEET on the ground.
That’s it. 1, 2, 3.
The power of this practice is that it starts to literally calm your nervous system, and down shift your reaction. It’s like changing the channel in your own brain.
Thus, instead of trying to reason with a meltdown, you become more available for the emotional connection your child needs in that moment.
When you are more regulated, even a little bit, it makes you more present and available. This allows your child to change their brain channel to match yours and also become more regulated.
Co-regulation is your parenting super-power.
You’ll feel more connected with yourself and your child. You’ll also be able to respond with more confidence about what to do next.
(To learn more about how to break the cycle of meltdowns, click the image below.)
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