When Your Trans or Queer Teen
Is Struggling
Parent Coaching for Families Supporting Trans and LGBTQ+ Teens
You may recognize these patterns:
• You’re trying to support your child while also navigating your own worry or uncertainty
• You feel sad or anxious because you don’t fully understand what they’re going through
• Conversations about identity or support quickly become tense or shut down
• Worrying about safety while helping them feel accepted
• Feeling like you're walking on eggshells
Are you often awake at 3 a.m., with your thoughts spinning, determined to be more patient next time.
You don't have to keep struggling on your own!
Many parents assume these struggles are about identity itself — or about saying or doing the wrong thing.
But many tweens and teens navigating identity changes are also experiencing significant nervous system stress.
When a young person feels overwhelmed, communication can shut down, emotions intensify, and family members may start walking on eggshells with each other.
This is where a different kind of parenting leadership becomes essential.
One Parent's Journey
When I went to Kathy for help with my older son’s behavioral issues, my younger son (who I knew as my daughter at the time) was 6.
This is the story of his gender-expansive journey.
At first, I found Kathy’s methods unconventional, but she helped me begin to show up more as the parent I wanted to be for my kids. I found that the parenting skills I was learning nurtured and supported my relationship with both kids!
I began to help my kids feel seen and heard when they were struggling, and listen with my heart, rather than my fear.
Over the next few years, I cultivated a relationship of trust, love, and support with my younger child that would carry us through his gender transition.
When my daughter was in 6th grade, she came out to me as pansexual. A few months later, they came out as non-binary. Nine months later, he came out as a trans male. Though I experienced grief with each step of his gender journey, with Kathy’s support and guidance, I was able to keep showing up for him in a loving and supportive way.
My son turned to me during all of these transitions.
Because of the strong relationship foundation we had built, he knew that I would accept him fully, no matter what scary or difficult thing he shared with me.
Together, we made it through his suicide attempt and hospitalization at 13, his transition to male through hormone therapy, his legal name change, and his recent gender-affirming surgery. Through every step of the journey, I knew he felt supported, validated, and heard.
Because of Kathy’s support, teaching, and guidance over 10 years, I have learned to listen to my inner wisdom and trust myself. I have learned to notice when I’m feeling triggered and not take it out on my kids. I have learned to be present with an open heart to anchor my children when they are feeling out of sorts. I am so grateful for my work with Kathy. She has truly changed my life and my kids’ lives for the better.
(Stock image used to keep my client and her son safe)
Understanding What’s Driving the Tension
Many families discover that once they understand the nervous system patterns driving these reactions, the confusion begins to make sense — and new possibilities for connection and steady support open up.
If it would help to talk through what’s happening in your family — including the challenges of parenting a transgender teen supporting a transgender teen while navigating your own questions and worries — I invite you to start with a complimentary Parenting Solutions Call.